Wednesday, December 7, 2016

To Get the Built Up Residue Off of Your Shower Head

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To Get the Built Up Residue Off of Your Shower Head

Tie a baggy of vinegar around a shower head.  Leave it there over night and it will clean everything off with no work.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Bagel Tote

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Bagel Tote

Take an old CD spindle and turn it into a bagel tote.

For Icy Steps and Sidewalks in Freezing Temperatures




For Icy Steps and Sidewalks in Freezing Temperatures

Mix
1 Teaspoon of Dawn dish washing liquid soap
1 Tablespoon of rubbing alcohol
1/2 gallon hot/warm water

Pour over walkways.  They won't refreeze.

Monday, December 5, 2016

This Is How You Keep Your Baby Calm During a Photoshoot


This Is How You Keep Your Baby Calm During a Photoshoot

Stormtrooper Has Spiderman at Point Blank Range


Stormtrooper Has Spiderman at Point Blank Range

Spidey sense still isn't tingling.

Star Destroyer Shape in the Clouds


Star Destroyer Shape in the Clouds

Only Star Wars fans see it.

Sith Lords Are Our Speciality


Sith Lords Are Our Speciality

Says Obi-Won and gets knocked unconscious 60 seconds later.

Calvin and Hobbs Hoth Battle


Calvin and Hobbs Hoth Battle

Calvin dressed as Luke Skywalker in his snowspeeder uniform and Hobbs dressed as an Imperial AT-AT walkers

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Friday, November 25, 2016

You Know What Sounds Amazing For Dinner?


You Know What Sounds Amazing For Dinner?

Anything I don't have to cook.

I brushed my hair 3 days ago and I have no idea whose shirt this is.


Age 16:  Takes 4 hours to do hair and plan outfit.

Age 18:  Takes 2 hours to do hair and plan outfit.

Now:  I brushed my hair 3 days ago and I have no idea whose shirt this is.

I Can't Win Arguments


I Can't Win Arguments

The reason I'm right is too complex to explain within the attention span of my opponent.

Remember When Phones Were Stupid and People Were Smart?


Remember When Phones Were Stupid and People Were Smart?

Welfare Was Never Intended to Be a Career Opportunity


Welfare Was Never Intended to Be a Career Opportunity

When You're Already Off the Clock and Your Boss Asks For a Favor


When You're Already Off the Clock and Your Boss Asks For a Favor

Woman running away from a guy standing outside a car.

Maybe Next Time


So apparently RSVPing back to a wedding invite "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

Eyebrows, They Make the Difference


Eyebrows, They Make the Difference

God Will Never Send You Someone Else's Husband


Ladies...Just in case you're confused.

God Will Never Send You Someone Else's Husband

Refugee Problem Solved


Refugee Problem Solved

A bunch of tents on the white house lawn.

Looking For Love in Alderaan Places


Looking For Love in Alderaan Places

If you're dating someone that doesn't like Star Wars, then you're looking for love in Alderaan places.

Support Your Radical Militant Librarian


Support Your Radical Militant Librarian

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

I Leave My Husband With the Baby For Ten Minutes


I Leave My Husband With the Baby For Ten Minutes

Baby with fake dark eye brows and a fake dark mustache.

A Wolf and His Watermelon


A Wolf and His Watermelon

Little Guy Got Exhausted After a Long Day


Little Guy Got Exhausted After a Long Day

Cat laying on its back on a pillow on the couch.

You look like my real father


At the beginning, try to make small talk with your interviewer such as "lovely day!" or "You look like my real father."

When Asked Why You'd Be Suited to the Job


When Asked Why You'd Be Suited to the Job

Pass an ancient scroll along the desk and say, "It was foretold." and stare at them.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Remember, Every Question Is a Test


Remember, Every Question Is a Test

So when they say, "How are you?" reply, "Goal oriented, thank you."

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Mixed Up My Ambien With My Adderall Last Night


Mixed Up My Ambien With My Adderall Last Night

I counted up to 10 thousand sheep, gave each one a name, a personality and a dream of their own.

Be Confident, But Subtle


Be Confident, But Subtle

Tap 'team player' in Morse code on the desk with a pen.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Monday, November 14, 2016

When Asked to Describe Yourself in 5 Words


When Asked to Describe Yourself in 5 Words

Say "Atrocious counting skills".  Laugh.  Open packet of Mini Eggs.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Employers Check Facebook Accounts


Employers Check Facebook Accounts

So make sure all your photos show you looking at a spreadsheet and punching the air.

Show You're Good at Delegating Responsibility by Sending Someone Else to the Interview


Show You're Good at Delegating Responsibility by Sending Someone Else to the Interview

Know the Interviewers Name and Use It During the Interview


Know the Interviewers Name and Use It During the Interview

If you're not sure what it is, call them "Jobsy" or "Jobbo".

Cuz I'm Gonna Be Cooking


Cuz I'm Gonna Be Cooking

When it's your turn to ask a question in a job interview say, "Does this job come with a free apron cuz I'm gonna be cooking."  Then fire finger gun.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Tonight I Am Wearing My Sexiest Pair of Sweatpants


Tonight I Am Wearing My Sexiest Pair of Sweatpants

CHORES


CHORES

A stack of blue folded laundry with an iron in front of them designed to look like a movie poster for Jaws.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Monday, October 31, 2016