Don't Bother Putting Your Hand Over My Mouth to Shut Me Up

Don't Bother Putting Your Hand Over My Mouth to Shut Me Up

I will lick you.

Why Can't We Be Friends?

Why Can't We Be Friends?

Because you're three gallons of crazy in a two gallon bucket and I don't have time for a mess like you.

What If I Told You We All Have Problems

What If I Told You We All Have Problems

Some of us just choose not to post them on Facebook.

I'm Hilarious

95% of the time when I'm smiling at my phone it's because of something I said, not something someone sent me.  I'm hilarious.

I Talk To Myself Because Sometimes I Need Expert Advice

I Talk To Myself Because Sometimes I Need Expert Advice

If Only My Teeth Were As White As My Legs

If Only My Teeth Were As White As My Legs

Wedding Vows

Wedding Vows

Do you promise to love and cherish each other until it's inconvenient, or your tired of it, or somebody more exciting comes along, or it's just not fun anymore?

Shameless Tagging of friends in Photos Where Only You Look Good

Shameless Awards

Shameless Tagging of friends in Photos Where Only You Look Good

2011 VA Earthquake - We WILL Rebuild

2011 VA Earthquake - We WILL Rebuild

A plastic table and chairs with one chair tipped over on the lawn.

If we're not meant to have midnight snacks...

If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

I Didn't Mean To Push All Your Buttons

I Didn't Mean To Push All Your Buttons

I was just looking for mute.

I'm Not Bossy. I Just Know What You Should Be Doing.

I'm Not Bossy.  I Just Know What You Should Be Doing.

The other 4% is when I have to solve math problems.

I know it's hard to believe I'm only right 98% of the time.  The other 4% is when I have to solve math problems.

you will be served a 3 course meal

At my house you will be served a 3 course meal called "Eat it.  Like it.  Thank me when you're done."

I May Not Be Skinny

I may not be skinny, but I'm awesome and that's basically the same thing.

Keeping My Mouth Shut

Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.