Saturday, July 26, 2014

Of All The Utensils Invented To Eat Rice


Of All The Utensils Invented To Eat Rice

How did two sticks win?

Fast Food Places Should Have A Third Window


Fast Food Places Should Have A Third Window

Where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Normally I have more composure.


Normally I have more composure.

However, in all fairness, it was a BIG spider.

Epic Win!


Epic Win!

A shelving system shaped like Pac Man that appears to be about to chomp down on a big screen TV.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Facebook Barbie


Facebook Barbie

Looks are deceiving, she is still using that photo of her from ten years ago.

Taco Ring


Taco Ring

2 crescent roll tubes
1 LB ground beef (or ground turkey)
1 packet of taco seasoning
1 1/2 cups grated cheddar cheese
Shredded lettuce
1 or 2 diced tomatoes depending on size
1/2 small can Olives (sliced) (Avocado, Sour cream etc)

Directions
1. Separate the crescent pastry and lay out in a circle, pointed ends out on a foil lined pizza pan, sprayed very lightly with cooking spray. Use some of the leftover crescent rolls to to make the center a bit thicker as this will hold the meat.
2. Brown meat in a frying pan until no longer pink. Drain fat and add taco seasoning as directed on package, reducing the water to a scant 1/3 cup from the 1/2 cup called for. Drain excess liquid from meat.
3. Sprinkle meat mixture in a circle inside the crescent rolls, then sprinkle 1 cup of the cheese over the meat. Pull crescent roll points over meat and cheese and tuck in.

Bake at 350 degrees until pastry is golden brown (30 min).

4. Add remaining 1/2 cup of cheese, chopped lettuce, tomato, black olives, and jalapenos (if using), into the middle of the ring, then add a few dollops of sour cream if desired, before serving.

Friday, July 18, 2014

I Will Always Sing the ABCs To Know What Letter Comes Next


No matter how old I get, I think I will always have to mentally sing the ABCs to see what letter comes next.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Monday, July 14, 2014

Thursday, July 10, 2014

I Believe I Used Up All My Sick Days, So I'm Calling In Dead


I Believe I Used Up All My Sick Days, So I'm Calling In Dead

Open Position


Open Position

A family picture on the back of a vehicle with the dad crossed out.

I Just Have a Violent Reaction To Stupid People


I'm not cranky...

I Just Have a Violent Reaction To Stupid People

The Line Must Continue To Move


The Line Must Continue To Move

PMS 666


PMS 666

License Plate

...And A Diet Soda, Please


...And A Diet Soda, Please

A three foot tall and two foot wide sandwich.

Guess Who's Never Babysitting Blue Ivy Again?


Guess Who's Never Babysitting Blue Ivy Again?

I love long walks on the beach with my girlfriend


I love long walks on the beach with my girlfriend, until the LSD wears off and I realize I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Wendy's parking lot.

But First, Llama Take a Selfie


I'm gonna go climb these ruins and spit on some tourists.

But First, Llama Take a Selfie

Today My Child Said Those Three Little Words Every Parent Longs To Hear...


Today My Child Said Those Three Little Words Every Parent Longs To Hear...

"You're Embarrassing Me!"

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

My 8 Year Old Sister's Advice On Boys


My 8 Year Old Sister's Advice On Boys

Me:  What do you do when you like a boy?
Sister: You tell him.
Me:  And if he doesn't like you?
Sister:  You kill him.

Well, that escalated quickly.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

I Hate Being Tickled

I Hate Being Tickled

I do not think it's cute.  I do not find it funny.  I will kick you in the face.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014