All That Spam: December 2015

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Bang Someone on the Head With a Wrapping Paper Tube

No matter how old you get, it is always fun to bang someone on the head with a wrapping paper tube.

2015 Me: Can We Try This Again

2010 Me: I can't Wait to see where I'll be at in 5 years.
2015 Me: Can We Try This Again.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

My Stomach Auto-Corrected to "Cupcakes"

My Brain Said "Cardio"

My Stomach Auto-Corrected to "Cupcakes"

I'm Hilarious

95% of the time when I'm smiling at my phone it's because of something I said, not something someone sent me. I'm hilarious.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Every Child's First Shank

Every Child's First Shank

A candy cane sucked to a point.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

lol Is Not a Word

lol Is Not a Word

It's a tiny text tie fighter.

I'm So In Debt I Could Start A Government

Claus-trophobic

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claus-trophobic!

It's almost time for bed, so I guess I'll just check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram...

It's almost time for bed, so I guess I'll just check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and one full season of a TV show on Netflix real quick.

Monsters Inc Notre Dame Fighting Irish

The Force Awakens...The Force Needs 5 More Minutes

When Your Wife Stares at Her Phone For Eight Hours and Then You Eat Salad Out of Mason Jars

My wife is addicted to Pinterest. If you don't know what Pinterest is, it's when your wife stares at her phone for eight hours and then you eat salad out of mason jars.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Back Off! We Ain't Hauling Milk!

Loyalty to Country Always. Loyalty to Government When It Deserves It.

The World Needs a Stable Influence

The World Needs a Stable Influence

A picture of Jesus in the manger.

OK, Dad...I'm Sorry

OK, Dad...I'm Sorry

There! You've finished training. When you learn to say sorry for no reason at all, then you're ready to get married.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

1 (16 ounce) package frozen broccoli
1 (6 ounce) can condensed cream of celery soup
1 cup mayonnaise
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 cup cheese crackers
1 -2 tablespoon instant minced onion or 1 -2 tablespoon onion powder
1 tablespoon butter or 1 tablespoon margarine

Preheat oven 350. Prepare broccoli by package and drain. Combine soup, mayo, eggs, cheese, onions, and stir in broccoli. Pour into 1-1/2 quart greased baking dish. Melt butter. Crush crackers and mix with butter. Sprinkle over top of broccoli mixture. Bake for 45-55 minute.
Bake for 45-55 minutes.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Gun Safety Should Be Taught To Every Child In America

Not only do guns need to remain legal. Gun Safety Should Be Taught To Every Child In America.

Dad, What's a Weekend? I Don't Know Son, We're Truckers.

You're Getting a Roll Cage for Christmas

I've seen how you drive. You're getting a roll cage for Christmas.

Offered These Guys a Job. They Said No.

Offered These Guys a Job. They Said No.

A guy with a sign standing behind two guys begging for money.

The Next Guy Who Comes at Me With His High Beams On...

The Next Guy Who Comes at Me With His High Beams On...

A little car with a giant spot light mounted to the roof.

Oh No! We Got Bed Pugs!

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Starbucks Lemon Loaf

Starbucks Lemon Loaf

1 1/2 cup(s) FLOUR
1/2 teaspoon(s) BAKING SODA
1/2 teaspoon(s) BAKING POWDER
1/2 teaspoon(s) SALT
3 EGGS
1 cup(s) SUGAR
2 tablespoon(s) BUTTER; Softened.
1 teaspoon(s) VANILLA
1 teaspoon(s) LEMON EXTRACT
1/3 cup(s) LEMON JUICE
1/2 cup(s) OIL (recommend coconut oil)
LEMON ICING
1 cup(s) POWDERED SUGAR; Plus 1 Tablespoon.
2 tablespoon(s) WHOLE MILK; I Used 2%.
1/2 teaspoon(s) LEMON EXTRACT

Monday, December 14, 2015

I Don't Care What the Song Says. I Don't Smell.

I Don't Care What the Song Says. I Don't Smell.

Batman hanging his head because of that song.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Expected Chocolate Chip, But It's Oatmeal Raisin

Expected Chocolate Chip, But It's Oatmeal Raisin

They have the cookie names mixed up. That is the face one makes when you expect oatmeal raisin and get chocolate chip.
Seriously people, there are other ingredients for desserts than chocolate.

Friday, December 11, 2015

Today's Kids Will Never Know the Struggle of Having to Wait for These to Finish Rewinding

Did You Know Ford Is Making a Heated Tailgate?

Did You Know Ford Is Making a Heated Tailgate?

So your hands stay warm when you're pushing it home in the winter.

My Shop Is Always Busy Thanks to Ford

Car Crashed and Upside Down Into the Side of a Target Sign

Car Crashed and Upside Down Into the Side of a Target Sign

So close!

Put Bob the Builder on the Phone

I Need Someone Qualified For This Construction Job. Put Bob the Builder on the Phone.

A toddler in a high chair acting like he is talking on a toy phone while eating breakfast.

For the Last Time, I Get to Put the Death Star on Top of the Tree

It's My Day Off. Not My Problem.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Iron Man and Captain America Get Along Shirt

Honey, You're Not Gonna Believe Why I'm Running Late

HACIENDA WET BURRITO COPY-CAT RECIPE

HACIENDA WET BURRITO COPY-CAT RECIPE

1 (3 lb) chuck roast, trim outer fat
1/2 teaspoon seasoning salt (I use Johnnie's)
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon fresh coarse ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
3 tablespoons vegetable oil, more if needed
1 (14 ounce) can beef broth
2 packets (1 ounce each) Lawry's taco seasoning mix
1 teaspoon Frank's red hot sauce
1 tablespoon butter
6 to 8 large flour tortillas, burrito-sized
refried beans
thinly sliced tomato
shredded lettuce
1 (32 ounce) package Colby-Monterey jack cheese, shredded
sour cream

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Elf on a Shelf Frozen by Elsa

Eat The Food In Disney Movies

All I Wanted As A Kid Was To Eat The Food In Disney Movies

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Garlic Onion Virginia Ham and Swiss Sandwich

2 -12 packages of sweet Hawaiian rolls
1 1/2 lbs of Virginia ham
12 slices Swiss cheese
1 stick of real butter
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon Garlic Powder
1 teaspoon Onion Powder
1 teaspoon poppy seeds

Directions:
You will need two 9 x 13 pans. Place the bottoms of 12 rolls in each pan. Place ham (about 2 shaved slices or so) on the rolls. Cut the cheese slices into 4 parts and place 2 small pieces on each sandwich. Put the dinner roll tops on. In a sauce pan, mix butter, Worcestershire sauce, onion powder, garlic powder and poppy seeds. Wait until all butter is melted and then brush the melted mixture over the ham sandwiches. Cover with foil and let sit in fridge for 1 hour or over night. (If you want to bake them right away, you can also.) Preheat oven to 375 and bake for 15 minutes or until cheese is melted. Serve. Great hot or not.