Thursday, January 31, 2013

I can't afford it, and the things it's teaching me aren't going to help me pay for it.

If there's one thing I've learned about college, it's that I can't afford it, and the things it's teaching me aren't going to help me pay for it.

It was an old fashioned Christmas after all

This year my family decided to gather on Facebook for the holidays.  Uncle Frank got into an argument with Grandpa.  Aunt Gladys was offended by something she is Julie's profile.  Mom cried because Andrew posted a photo that made her look fat.  I got so annoyed, I left to hang out with my friends on MySpace.
It was an old fashioned Christmas after all.

Infinity What goes around comes around...

Infinity
What goes around comes around...

Maybe if you didn't light up so many times telling me you are low on battery

Dear Cell Phone,
Maybe if you didn't light up so many times telling me you are low on battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly.

Oh, wait! You mean THAT? Yes, I did that.

I didn't do it!

Oh, wait!  You mean THAT?  Yes, I did that.

A&W root beer in a glass mug, on a tray, hanging from a car window, at a drive in.

Who remembers this?  A&W root beer in a glass mug, on a tray, hanging from a car window, at a drive in.

Sharks Eat People Just To Get On TV.

I think sharks eat people just to get on TV.

We evolved from snowflakes.

Don't be absurd!  Nobody made us.  We evolved by chance from snowflakes.

Whoa, Carol! You been working out?

Whoa, Carol!  You been working out?

We do not doubt our mothers knew it.

Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.

And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.

Atoms are what make us all matter

Atoms are what make us all matter.

you eventually run out of other people's money

The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.

Man who does want to take care of a kid: Deadbeat Dad

Man who does want to take care of a kid: Deadbeat Dad
Woman who does want to do the same: Pro Choice

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Common Sense So rare it's become a superpower.

Common Sense
So rare it's become a superpower.

May the Force live long and prosper

May the Force live long and prosper.

You'd be surprises how often "What if" works.

You'd be surprises how often "What if" works.

asked me where I was between 5 and 6

An officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6, I replied, "Kindergarten."

Romulon Michelle Obama

Romulon Michelle Obama

Octopi

Octopi

It Uses Apple Maps

Luke, you've switched off your targeting computer.  Is something wrong?

Yeah, it uses Apple maps.

Effects of Radioactivity Over Time

Effects of Radioactivity Over Time

Speed Limit 2x=(360/4) Solve for x

Speed Limit
2x=(360/4)
Solve for x

The magic of mathematics. The beauty of mathematics.

The magic of mathematics.  The beauty of mathematics.

March 14, 2015 - 9:26:53 will be epic.

March 14, 2015 - 9:26:53 will be epic.  Why?  3.141592653

Life is so unfair

Life is so unfair


Back to life, bacteriality

Back to life, bacteriality

Easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Squirrel

Easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Squirrel

Accept an apology you never got.

Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.

Thank you all for the birthday wishes. And thank you Facebook for reminding them.

Thank you all for the birthday wishes.  And thank you Facebook for reminding them.

I told a woman she drew her eyebrows on too high

I told a woman she drew her eyebrows on too high...Boy did she look surprised.

That's the time you realize you're getting old.

When you turn off the lights for economical reasons rather than for romantic ones...That's the time you realize you're getting old.

Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated. We are Facebook.

Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated.  We are Facebook.

Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.

Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.

I'll stop. But I'm not going to collaborate or listen.

Okay, I'll stop.  But I'm not going to collaborate or listen.

What counts is that we don't betray each other.

It's not so much staying alive, it's staying human that's important.  What counts is that we don't betray each other.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Unicorns Are Real

Unicorns are real.  They're just fat, grey, and we call them Rhinos.

Space Shuttle Challenger Crew

If there's one thing I hate, it's self-loathing.

If there's one thing I hate, it's self-loathing.

If there's two things I hate, it's self-loathing and myself.

Today, it's called golf

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called Savage aggression.
Today, it's called golf.

I love you all!!! Yes even you, you twisted little freak.

I love you all!!! Yes even you, you twisted little freak.

I wish there was an observation deck at Walmart

I wish there was an observation deck at Walmart.

3 Horrible Facts

3 Horrible Facts
1. Today is not Friday.
2. Tomorrow is not Friday.
3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday.

Finally my jokes will be appreciated

I just bought myself a hyena.  Finally my jokes will be appreciated.

It's an Ipad made of trees, Dear.

It's an Ipad made of trees, Dear.

Eat Candy Out Of Your Socks

Christmas is just plain weird.  What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat candy out of your socks.

What is the right amount of being whelmed?

What is the right amount of being whelmed?

Monday, January 28, 2013

The guy that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or his brakes have failed.

Q-tip reset my brain

Pushed too hard against my eardrum with a Q-tip and reset my brain.

you should just wear a shirt that says...I'm sorry.

You're so annoying you should just wear a shirt that says...I'm sorry.

Someone wearing Crocs just told me to never judge someone till you've walked a mile in their shoes.

Someone wearing Crocs just told me to never judge someone till you've walked a mile in their shoes.