Parallel Parking - Level: Expert
A collection of all the stuff I am bombarded with every day on Facebook and email and Twitter and so forth. Almost all of it is stuff that was sent to me and I did not request. I don't know where most of it came from other than the person that dropped it on me.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Trying To Get Some Sleep?
Trying to get some sleep?
Let's stay awake thinking about how tired you'll be tomorrow
Let's stay awake thinking about how tired you'll be tomorrow
Swedish Cop Goes Beyond Call Of Duty To Give Parking Ticket
Swedish cop goes beyond call of duty to give parking ticket...
My First Instinct When I See An Animal Is To Say Hello
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say hello...
My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.
My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Post-Christmas Birthday Gifts
I'm buying you the nicest birthday gift that post-Christmas clearance sales have to offer.
Government Run Health Care
Government Run Health Care
Combining the customer service excellence of your local DMV with the business-savvy practices of the US Postal Service.
Combining the customer service excellence of your local DMV with the business-savvy practices of the US Postal Service.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Either You Get Me What I Want For Christmas, Or Dasher And Dance Are Next
Dear Santa,
Either you get me what I want for Christmas, or Dasher and Dance are next! Make it happen fat man!
Nevermind, I'll Buy My Own Presents
Dear Santa,
[ ] I've been good this year.
[ ] Ok, most of the time
[ ] Once in a while
[x] Nevermind, I'll buy my own presents
[ ] I've been good this year.
[ ] Ok, most of the time
[ ] Once in a while
[x] Nevermind, I'll buy my own presents
I Asked For 100 Elves
Hello, employment agency? There's been a mistake...I asked for 100 elves!
A cartoon of Satan Claus surrounded by Elvis Presley impersonators.
I Forgot Your Name As Soon As You Said It
It was SO nice meeting you. I forgot your name as soon as you said it.
Women Are Completely Defenseless, Until Their Nail Polish Is Dry
That Awkward Moment When You Want To Cough Badly
That awkward moment when you want to cough badly, but it's dead silent.
When The Kitten Hugs The Dog
THE END OF THE WORLD
When the kitten hugs the dog, you know something bad is going to happen.
Obviously one of the signs of the Apocalypse.
What Ponies Ask Santa For
Dear Santa,
I would like a child for Christmas.
What ponies ask Santa for.
I would like a child for Christmas.
What ponies ask Santa for.
People Who Share Their Food With Me Have A Special Place In My Heart
People who share their food with me have a special place in my heart.
You Know You're Getting Old When Santa Starts Looking Younger
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
It's Ok, They Will Just Think Santa Ate Them
It's ok, they will just think Santa ate them.
A dog and a cat taking Santa's Christmas cookies and milk.
The Original Meal Has Never Been Found
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
Nobody Liked Caroling With Yoda
"A merry Christmas we wish you...A merry Christmas we wish you..."
Nobody liked caroling with Yoda
Nobody liked caroling with Yoda
Zombie Apocalypse - An Excuse To Do Something Constructive
Zombie Apocalypse
Chances are, you're already surrounded by mindless bloodthirsty, half-alive, subhuman wretches. An actual zombie outbreak would just give you an excuse to do something constructive.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
I Want To Love Him For The Way That He Loves Me
I want to know my place. I want to feel less lost and more found. I want with desperation to be wanted. I want to love and be loved. I wanted to be held; not held back. I want to feel that somebody could love me for me, even if I am never better than what I am right now at this very moment.
And I don't want to just love him...I want to love him for the way that he loves me.
Friday, December 21, 2012
I'm Sorry, Was This Private?
I love when someone puts a long complaint as their status update and you ask if they're ok and they reply, "inbox me." I'm sorry, was this private?
A Solid Foundation of Faith
To build a solid Foundation of Faith one must have personal integrity. Choose the right consistently. Repent. Forgive. Give Thanks. Have Patience. Serve persistently with full heart and soul. Lift up. Then watch that testimony of truth turn into unbreakable spiritual strength.
Discipleship Is Not A Competition
Discipleship is not a competition at all but an invitation to all. Our journey of discipleship is not a dash around the track, nor is it fully comparable to a lengthy marathon. In Truth, it is a lifelong migration toward a more celestial world. Wherever you now find yourself on the road of discipleship, you are on the right road, the road toward eternal life.
I Think I'll Name Her Sarah
I think I'll name her Sarah.
I'm sorry, but that name is already taken. However you can still have Sarah4343 or Sarah_12.
I'm sorry, but that name is already taken. However you can still have Sarah4343 or Sarah_12.
Love Is Like Playing The Piano
Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from the heart.
It's Who You Think You're Not
It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not
If You Keep Blaming Everyone Else For Who You Are
You will never become who you were meant to be if you keep blaming everyone else for who you are.
The Sky's The Limit
"Timmy" his father said "remember that for you, the sky's the limit." And just like that, Timmy's dream of becoming an astronaut were crushed.
You Cannot Help The Wage Earner By Pulling Down The Wage Payer
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot help the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer. You cannot further the brotherhood of man by encouraging class hatred. You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn. You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and independence. You cannot help men permanently by doing for them that they could and should do for themselves.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
People Are Making Apocalypse Jokes Like There's No Tomorrow
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
The spirit of contention is not of me.
For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.
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