This Is How You Keep Your Baby Calm During a Photoshoot

This Is How You Keep Your Baby Calm During a Photoshoot

I Leave My Husband With the Baby For Ten Minutes

I Leave My Husband With the Baby For Ten Minutes

Baby with fake dark eye brows and a fake dark mustache.

Santa Claus Doesn't Exist, But I Can't Read, So It's Okay

Santa Claus Doesn't Exist, But I Can't Read, So It's Okay

Baby Sleeps Through Doorbells, Barking, Trains, and Storms

Baby Sleeps Through Doorbells, Barking, Trains, and Storms

But the moment the floor creaks as you sneak away...

I'm About to Give Birth to Chewbacca

If heartburn during pregnancy means you'll have a hairy baby...

I'm About to Give Birth to Chewbacca.

It's My Day Off. Not My Problem.

It's My Day Off.  Not My Problem.

You Mean To Tell Me Hammers Don't Fix Everything

You Mean To Tell Me Hammers Don't Fix Everything

That MOMent when you realize you are rocking back and forth

That MOMent when you realize you are rocking back and forth but not actually holding a baby.

Sorry I Mispronouced Your Baby's Name

Sorry I Mispronouced Your Baby's Name

Which name you made up.

Just a Little Closer

Just a Little Closer

A baby glaring and making a fist at Hilary Clinton.

When A Friend Says They Have Never Seen "The Princess Bride"

When A Friend Says They Have Never Seen "The Princess Bride"

Inconceivable

A Baby In A Baby Jumper Swing Hooked To Equipment In A Garage

A Baby In A Baby Jumper Swing Hooked To Equipment In A Garage

Deaths of Children

Hypocrisy

Blaming every law abiding gun owner for deaths of children, while supporting abortion.

Vintage Birth Control

Vintage Birth Control

A stork carrying a bundle toward a window.  A couple are leaning out the window swinging brooms and towels and umbrellas at it.

I Don't Always Lounge In a Basket

I Don't Always Lounge In a Basket

But when I do, I wear nothing but a headband.

I Just Did 9 Months on the Inside

I Just Did 9 Months on the Inside

An orange baby jumper shaped made to look like a prison suit.