If I Had a Voice Like Morgan Freeman

If I Had a Voice Like Morgan Freeman

I would just walk around the streets following people and pretend to narrate their lives.

Bring Me Another Smurf

Bring Me Another Smurf

I'd Rather Break My Arms Than Take Two Trips

I'd Rather Break My Arms Than Take Two Trips

FYI: To whoever stole my water bottle...

FYI:  To whoever stole my water bottle...

It had my estrogen supplements in it.

Have fun with that!

:-)

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,

While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it!

Sincerely,
The Opportunist

Reminds me of our two party system in The United States.  Two parties have been set up as polar opposites to distract us from the fact that someone is stealing our money and our liberties from us.

A Chameleon and a Dog

A Chameleon and a Dog

Chameleon:  Do you want to see something cool?
Dog:  Okay.
Chameleon:  Ta-duh!
Dog:  What?

Remember to Close All Parentheses. We're Not Paying to Air Condition the Entire Paragraph

Remember to Close All Parentheses.  We're Not Paying to Air Condition the Entire Paragraph

My Attempt at Taking a Cute Picture of the Cat Napping on My Boyfriend Was Thwarted

My Attempt at Taking a Cute Picture of the Cat Napping on My Boyfriend Was Thwarted

Cat biting guy's toe.

Share If You Are Old Enough To Remember Making Stone Tools

Share If You Are Old Enough To Remember Making Stone Tools

We All Have That One Friend Who Always Gives Relationship Advice But Is Still Single

We All Have That One Friend Who Always Gives Relationship Advice But Is Still Single