Selective Hearing Aids for Men

Selective Hearing Aids for Men

Sometimes You Go Looking For Motivation, Sometimes Motivation Finds You

Sometimes You Go Looking For Motivation, Sometimes Motivation Finds You

Bear chasing a guy on a bike.

Star Wars Street Fight

Star Wars Street Fight

You Know What Sounds Amazing For Dinner?

You Know What Sounds Amazing For Dinner?

Anything I don't have to cook.

I brushed my hair 3 days ago and I have no idea whose shirt this is.

Age 16:  Takes 4 hours to do hair and plan outfit.

Age 18:  Takes 2 hours to do hair and plan outfit.

Now:  I brushed my hair 3 days ago and I have no idea whose shirt this is.

I Can't Win Arguments

I Can't Win Arguments

The reason I'm right is too complex to explain within the attention span of my opponent.

Remember When Phones Were Stupid and People Were Smart?

Remember When Phones Were Stupid and People Were Smart?

Welfare Was Never Intended to Be a Career Opportunity

Welfare Was Never Intended to Be a Career Opportunity

When You're Already Off the Clock and Your Boss Asks For a Favor

When You're Already Off the Clock and Your Boss Asks For a Favor

Woman running away from a guy standing outside a car.

Maybe Next Time

So apparently RSVPing back to a wedding invite "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

Eyebrows, They Make the Difference

Eyebrows, They Make the Difference

God Will Never Send You Someone Else's Husband

Ladies...Just in case you're confused.

God Will Never Send You Someone Else's Husband

Refugee Problem Solved

Refugee Problem Solved

A bunch of tents on the white house lawn.

Looking For Love in Alderaan Places

Looking For Love in Alderaan Places

If you're dating someone that doesn't like Star Wars, then you're looking for love in Alderaan places.

Support Your Radical Militant Librarian

Support Your Radical Militant Librarian

I Leave My Husband With the Baby For Ten Minutes

I Leave My Husband With the Baby For Ten Minutes

Baby with fake dark eye brows and a fake dark mustache.

A Wolf and His Watermelon

A Wolf and His Watermelon

Little Guy Got Exhausted After a Long Day

Little Guy Got Exhausted After a Long Day

Cat laying on its back on a pillow on the couch.

You look like my real father

At the beginning, try to make small talk with your interviewer such as "lovely day!" or "You look like my real father."

When Asked Why You'd Be Suited to the Job

When Asked Why You'd Be Suited to the Job

Pass an ancient scroll along the desk and say, "It was foretold." and stare at them.

Remember, Every Question Is a Test

Remember, Every Question Is a Test

So when they say, "How are you?" reply, "Goal oriented, thank you."

Mixed Up My Ambien With My Adderall Last Night

Mixed Up My Ambien With My Adderall Last Night

I counted up to 10 thousand sheep, gave each one a name, a personality and a dream of their own.

Be Confident, But Subtle

Be Confident, But Subtle

Tap 'team player' in Morse code on the desk with a pen.

Santa Claus Doesn't Exist, But I Can't Read, So It's Okay

Santa Claus Doesn't Exist, But I Can't Read, So It's Okay

That One Wasn't Manna

That One Wasn't Manna

Moses and the Israelites catching manna falling from heaven on the tongues.

That Look During a Personal Testimony That Has Now Become an Autobiography

That Look During a Personal Testimony That Has Now Become an Autobiography

When Asked to Describe Yourself in 5 Words

When Asked to Describe Yourself in 5 Words

Say "Atrocious counting skills".  Laugh.  Open packet of Mini Eggs.

Employers Check Facebook Accounts

Employers Check Facebook Accounts

So make sure all your photos show you looking at a spreadsheet and punching the air.

Show You're Good at Delegating Responsibility by Sending Someone Else to the Interview

Show You're Good at Delegating Responsibility by Sending Someone Else to the Interview

Know the Interviewers Name and Use It During the Interview

Know the Interviewers Name and Use It During the Interview

If you're not sure what it is, call them "Jobsy" or "Jobbo".

Cuz I'm Gonna Be Cooking

Cuz I'm Gonna Be Cooking

When it's your turn to ask a question in a job interview say, "Does this job come with a free apron cuz I'm gonna be cooking."  Then fire finger gun.

Who Wants Change?

Who Wants Change?

Everyone.

Who wants to change?

No one.

When You Remember People Are Actually Going to Vote for Hillary

When You Remember People Are Actually Going to Vote for Hillary

Tonight I Am Wearing My Sexiest Pair of Sweatpants

Tonight I Am Wearing My Sexiest Pair of Sweatpants

CHORES

CHORES

A stack of blue folded laundry with an iron in front of them designed to look like a movie poster for Jaws.

Nice Purse! Thanks. It's My Ex-Husband.

Nice Purse!  Thanks.  It's My Ex-Husband.

Two female alligators talking.