Dad, What's Math?

Dad, What's Math?

I don't know, son, we're democrats.

A Two Person Office Chair Decorated in an Eagle and an America Flag

A Two Person Office Chair Decorated in an Eagle and an America Flag

The next step in office efficiency.

Get a Bicycle

Get a Bicycle

you will certainly not regret it, if you live.

Replacing the Cracked Screen of Your IPhone

Replacing the Cracked Screen of Your IPhone

If you grew up in the 80s, don't worry.  You got this.

Playing Operation takes the same skills.

A Stromtrooper Unicycling in the Rain

A Stromtrooper Unicycling in the Rain

Your move internet.

I Woke Up Early. There Was No Worm.

I Woke Up Early.  There Was No Worm.

A grumpy looking bird sitting on the ground.

Go 24 Hours Without Complaining (Not Even Once)

Go 24 Hours Without Complaining (Not Even Once)

Then watch how you life starts changing.

She Doesn't Say "I Love You" Like a Normal Person

She Doesn't Say "I Love You" Like a Normal Person

Instead she'll laugh, shake her head, give you a little smile, and say..."You're an idiot."

If she tells you you're an idiot, you are a lucky man.

We Heard You Have Tootsie Pops

We Heard You Have Tootsie Pops

Food is the Most Abused Anxiety Drug

Food is the Most Abused Anxiety Drug

Exercise is the most underutilized antidepressant.

A Bicycle Is Like An Acoustic Motorcycle

A Bicycle Is Like An Acoustic Motorcycle

Cat Perspective vs Dog Perspective

Cat Perspective vs Dog Perspective

Dog Perspective
They feed and take care of me.  They must be gods.

Cat Perspective
They feed and take care of me.  I must be a god.

Men Have Feelings, Too

Men Have Feelings, Too

For instance, sometimes we feel hungry.

To Do List

To Do List

1.  Make a to do list.
2.  Check off first thing on the 'to do' list.
3.  Realize you've already accomplished 2 things on the list.
In Progress - 4. Reward yourself with a nap.

Go Fishing They Said

Go Fishing They Said

It will be fun they said.

Guy with a fish hook through his finger and under his fingernail.

This Kids Going Places

This Kids Going Places

Not college, but places.

You're Awesome

You're Awesome

Bill Murray pointing his finger at you.

Guy Mowing the Grass in the Snow

Guy Mowing the Grass in the Snow

Reading a Text Message 5 Times and Still Not Knowing How to Reply

Reading a Text Message 5 Times and Still Not Knowing How to Reply

Tradition

Tradition

Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.

You Have Bacon??

You Have Bacon??

A dog with its nose and mouth pressed up against a window.

Grounded Until Adulthood

Grounded Until Adulthood

Chomper living up to his name.

If Two Witches Watched Two Watches, Which Witch Would Watch Which Watch?

If Two Witches Watched Two Watches, Which Witch Would Watch Which Watch?

First He Warms Our Bowl, Now He's Feeding Us. And You Thought He Wasn't Friendly.

First He Warms Our Bowl, Now He's Feeding Us.  And You Thought He Wasn't Friendly.

Ever Catch a Glimpse of Yourself in a Mirror And It Just Ruins Your Day?

Ever Catch a Glimpse of Yourself in a Mirror And It Just Ruins Your Day?

Batman Teaching Batman Jr To Pitch a Baseball

Batman Teaching Batman Jr To Pitch a Baseball

Salted Caramel

Salted Caramel

Start with a box of Betty Crocker Fudge Brownies.
Prepare the brownie batter according to package instructions. Pour about 1/3 of the batter into the bottom of a 9×13-inch baking pan that has been lined with parchment paper or greased with cooking spray. Spread the batter so that it forms an even layer to coat the bottom of the pan. 
Then comes the fun pretzel part! Lay the pretzels down in an even layer on top of the brownie batter, then add a second even layer.
Spoon the rest of the brownie batter on top of the pretzel layer. I found it worked best to spoon the batter on in small clumps. Then bake the brownies in the oven at 350 for about 30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
Once the brownies are out, spoon some caramel sauce onto the top of the brownies.And smooth it out to form an even layer.
Cut them into individual bars, and watch that ooey gooey caramel mix with those salty pretzels and chocolate.

Apple and Honey Muffins

Apple and Honey Muffins

Duration: 30 mins 
Serves: 12 
Dish: 
A delicious low-fat muffin. Children love them, and it's a great way to get them eating wholemeal. If desired, add sultanas or some chopped nuts.

Ingredients: 2 egg whites
240g (8 oz) wholemeal flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
170ml (6 fl oz) skimmed milk
4 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 tablespoons honey
110g (4 oz) chopped apples

Preheat oven to 190 C / Gas mark 5. Lightly grease one 12-cup muffin tin, or line with paper muffin cups.
Lightly beat egg whites.
In a separate bowl, mix dry ingredients thoroughly.
In a separate bowl, mix together milk, oil, honey and apples. Gently fold in egg whites to the wet mixture. Add the wet mixture to the dry ingredients. Fold together until just moistened. Batter will be lumpy.
Fill greased muffin tins two-thirds full. Bake about 20 minutes until lightly browned. 

Homemade Brownie Mix

Homemade Brownie Mix

Never buy boxed brownie mix again! So simple, so easy. Not just frugal but cuts out the unknown ingredients. Brownie Mix $0.30 /mix. 1 Cup Sugar, 1/2 Cup Flour, 1/3 Cup Cocoa, 1/4 tsp Salt, 1/4 tsp Baking Powder. Add: 2 Eggs, 1/2 Cup Vegetable Oil, 1 teaspoon Vanilla. Bake @ 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes.

Italian Cream Cheese Cake

Italian Cream Cheese Cake 

1 cup butter 
1/2 cup Crisco
2 cups sugar 
5 egg yolks
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup butter milk
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup coconut
1 cup chopped pecans
5 egg whites stiffly beaten 

Cream butter and Crisco. Add sugar beat well. Add egg yolks and beat. Add flour and soda. Alternate with buttermilk. Add vanilla stir in coconut and nuts. Stir in stiffly beaten eggs whites 2 tbl. spoons at a time. pour into 9 inch cake pan and bake at 350 degrees for 20 to 25 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. Cool and frost with cream cheese frosting.

Cinnamon Roll Pancakes

Cinnamon Roll Pancakes

Ingredients:

for the Pancakes:
4 cups all-purpose flour
8 tsps baking powder
2 tsp. salt
4 cups milk
4 tbsps vegetable oil
4 large eggs, lightly beaten

for the Cinnamon Filling
1 cup butter, melted
1 1/2 cup brown sugar, packed
2 tbsp ground cinnamon

for the Cream Cheese Glaze
1/2 cup butter
4 oz. cream cheese
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 tsp. vanilla

Directions:

To make the Cinnamon Filling:
Mix the three ingredients together. Place in a disposable piping bag and snip the end off or put in a Ziploc bag and snip the corner off.


To make the Pancakes:
Mix the dry ingredients in one bowl and the wet ingredients in another bowl. Stir them together until everything is moistened leaving a few lumps.

Heat your griddle to exactly 325 degrees. You don't want these too cook too quickly, and you won't want your cinnamon to burn.

Make desired size pancake on greased griddle and then using the piping bag and starting at the center of the pancake, create a cinnamon swirl. Wait until the pancake has lots of bubble before you try to turn it. You will find that when you turn it the cinnamon swirl will melt. The cinnamon will melt out and create the craters which the cream cheese glaze will fill.

To make the Cream Cheese Glaze:
In a microwave safe bowl melt the butter and cream cheese and then stir together. Whisk in the powdered sugar and vanilla. Add a little milk if needed to make
it a glaze consistency.

Place pancake on plate, then cover with cream cheese glaze.

Bacon-Wrapped Potato Bites with Spicy Sour Cream Dipping Sauce

Bacon-Wrapped Potato Bites with Spicy Sour Cream Dipping Sauce

Makes about three dozen bites

1 pound small or medium red potatoes
2 1/2 teaspoons salt, divided
1 1/2 teaspoons minced fresh rosemary
1 tablespoon olive oil
Freshly ground pepper
12 ounces to 1 pound thick-cut bacon
1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream
1-3 teaspoons hot sauce
Salt and pepper

Preheat the oven to 400°F.

Wash and dry the potatoes. Chop them into 1-inch pieces, keeping the chunks roughly the same size even if they aren't the exact same shape. Put the potatoes in a medium pot, cover with cold water, and bring to a boil. Season the water with 2 teaspoons of salt. Once the water begins to boil, cook the potatoes for 3 to 4 minutes, until you can stick a fork into them without too much resistance. You want the potatoes to be almost, but not fully, cooked through so they won't fall apart during the next steps.

Drain the potatoes and put them in a large bowl. Add the rosemary, olive oil, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and a few grinds of pepper, and toss until the potatoes are evenly coated.

Cut the strips of bacon into thirds. Wrap each potato bite in a piece of bacon, securing it with a toothpick. Put the potatoes on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper or aluminum foil spaced an inch or two apart. You may need to cook the potatoes in two batches.

Cook the potatoes for 15 minutes, then flip each piece. Cook for another 15 to 20 minutes, until the bacon is cooked through and as crisp as you like it. Mix the sour cream and hot sauce in a small bowl. Season with salt and pepper. Pile the potato bites on a plate and serve alongside the dip.

Salad on a Stick

Salad on a Stick

Fun, easy, and fast.

Place vegetables in a alternating pattern on a skewer stick.  You could use cherry tomatoes, lettuce. cucumbers, carrot, or whatever vegetables you like.  You can dip in salad dressing or drizzle it over the top if you like.  You could also put hunks of cheese on the stick interleaved in the vegetables.

Spooky Spider Snack

Spooky Spider Snack

1 plum
12 pretzel sticks
Edible eyes
A big hand full of dark grapes

Poke 3 holes on each side of the plum with a knife. Take 6 pretzel sticks and push them into the holes. Poke a hole on the ends of the grapes and slide them onto the pretzel sticks leaving just a bit of the pretzel showing. Fill up the other pretzel sticks with grapes and poke a hole on the end grape with the kitchen knife. Press that onto the end of the pretzel that is showing. Stick on the edible eyes with cream cheese or peanut butter.

Pirate Ships

Pirate Ships

Cut pieces of celery and fill with cream cheese, thread toothpicks through small pieces of paper for sails and insert them into the celery sticks… use raisins for “pirates”

Potato Bacon Casserole

Potato Bacon Casserole 

4 cups frozen shredded hash brown potatoes
1/2 cup finely chopped onion
8 ounces bacon or turkey bacon, cooked and crumbled
1 cup (4 oz.) shredded cheddar cheese
1 can (12 fl. oz.) evaporated milk
1 large egg, lightly beaten or 1/4 cup egg substitute
1 1/2 teaspoons seasoned salt
Directions
PREHEAT oven to 350° F. Grease 8-inch-square baking dish.

LAYER 1/2 potatoes, 1/2 onion, 1/2 bacon and 1/2 cheese in prepared baking dish; repeat layers. Combine evaporated milk, egg and seasoned salt in small bowl. Pour evenly over potato mixture; cover.

BAKE for 55 to 60 minutes. Uncover; bake for an additional 5 minutes. Let stand for 10 to 15 minutes before serving. 

Monster Cookies

Monster Cookies

Take your favorite cookie, put some frosting on the inside and then add another cookie to it. Add sprinkles, chocolate chips, or anything else you'd like and stick it to the frosting..Then add frosting to the top and add some eyes

Easy French Bread Pizza

Easy French Bread Pizza

1 Package of Sub Buns.
1 (14 oz) jar of Pizza Sauce
1 lb of your favorite cheese or you can just get a package of Pizza cheese
Your Favorite Pizza toppings

Split the buns in half, spread on pizza sauce, add your toppings. Sprinkle cheese on top.

Bake at 350 for about 10-15 minutes.

French Bread Pizza

French Bread Pizza

Ingredients
1 pound Sausage Roll
1 French baguette (about 20 inches long)
1/2 cup pizza sauce
1 cup shredded Italian style cheese
2 ounces sliced pepperoni

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Crumble and cook sausage in medium skillet until brown. Set aside. Slice baguette in half lengthwise. Place halves on a baking sheet. Spread with sauce. Top with cheese, sausage and pepperoni. Bake for 5 minutes or until cheese is melted. Cut into 2 inch pieces

Tater Tot Taco Bake

Tater Tot Taco Bake

Ingredients:
1 lb ground beef
1 small onion (diced)
1 garlic clove (minced)
1 small can black olives (sliced)
1 (1 ounce) package taco seasoning mix
1 (16 ounce) bag frozen corn
1 (4 ounce) can green chilies (diced and drained)
1 (12 ounce) can black beans (drained and rinsed)
1 (16 ounce) bag shredded Mexican cheese blend
1 (16 ounce) package frozen tater tots
1 (10.5 ounce fluid ounce) can enchilada sauce

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Spray a 9×13 inch baking dish with cooking spray. Heat a skillet to medium high heat. Add ground beef, garlic, and onion and cook while breaking the meat apart with a spoon or spatula until the ground beef is completely browned. Drain off any excess fat. Add taco seasoning mix, green chilies, frozen corn, and black beans to the ground beef. Cook until heated through.
In a large bowl combine ground beef mixture, ¾ of the Mexican cheese blend, and all of the tater tots. Stir well to combine.
Pour about 1/3 of the enchilada sauce into the bottom of the prepared baking dish. Add the tater tot mixture to the baking dish and lightly pat the mixture down into a solid, even layer. Pour the remaining enchilada sauce over the tater tots.
Place into the oven and bake at 375 degrees for 40 minutes. During the last few minutes of baking, top the casserole with the remaining Mexican cheese blend and the sliced black olives. Return to the oven and bake until the cheese is melted and bubbly.

Multitasking

Multitasking

The art of doing twice as much as you should half as well as you could.

"Just use 50% of your time on this and 50% on that and 50% over there and 50% over here.  It is simple math.  Why aren't you done yet?"

That Mini Heart Attack When Someone Says "We need to talk."

That Mini Heart Attack When Someone Says "We need to talk."

Death Doesn't Get Worse Every Time Congress Meets

The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time congress meets.

Loud Family

Loud Family

When you're seriously trying to watch something and your whole family decides to have a competition of who can be the loudest.

I Really Need a Day Between Saturday and Sunday

I Really Need a Day Between Saturday and Sunday

There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry

There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry

Why I Don't Like People

Why I Don't Like People

1% Logical Reasons
99% Just Because

Caprese Lasagna Roll Ups

Caprese Lasagna Roll Ups

Ingredients

8 lasagna noodles, uncooked
14 oz freshly shredded, low-moisture part skim Mozzarella cheese, divided
3/4 cup Ricotta cheese
1 large egg white
1/3 cup freshly, finely shredded Parmesan cheese (about 1 1/4 oz)
freshly ground black pepper
3 - 4 medium Roma tomatoes, thinly sliced (about 1/6 inch thick slices)
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil, plus more for garnish
1 cup marinara sauce, recipe follows
Simple Marinara Sauce
2 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1/4 cup finely chopped yellow onion
2 cloves garlic finely minced
1 (28 oz) can crushed tomatoes
salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cook pasta according to directions listed on package to al dente. Drain pasta (DO NOT rinse with water) and align lasagna noodles in a single layer on a large sheet of parchment or wax paper.

For filling, in a large mixing bowl, whisk together ricotta cheese and egg white until well blended. Stir in Parmesan cheese. Mix in 12 oz. of the Mozzarella cheese and season with black pepper to taste (I wouldn't recommend seasoning with salt just because the cheeses already have plenty of salt).

Place 1/4 cup of the cheese mixture over each lasagna noodle and spread into an even layer, going from one end of the lasagna to the other. Align 4 thin tomato slices over cheese mixture then sprinkle fresh basil over top. Snugly roll lasagna noodles to opposite end. Spread about 1/4 cup pasta sauce in the bottom of an 11 x 7 inch baking dish. Align lasagna roll ups, seam side down in dish. Top each roll up with about 2 Tbsp of the pasta sauce (covering edges of pasta so they don't dry out while baking). Sprinkle top with remaining 2 oz. shredded Mozzarella. Bake in preheated oven 30 minutes. Remove from oven, plate pasta and garnish with plenty of basil ribbons. Serve warm.

Simple Marinara Sauce

Heat olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium high heat. Add onions to hot oil and saute about 3 minutes until soft, adding garlic during last minute of sautéing. Pour in crushed tomatoes and season with salt and pepper to taste. Bring mixture just to a boil, then reduce heat to a simmer and allow sauce to cook for about 25 - 30 minutes (which will allow some of the water in crushed tomatoes to evaporate) while you prepare pasta and lasagna filling (you can freeze or refrigerate left over sauce in a small airtight container for later use, adding fresh basil if desired).

Fully Loaded Potato Casserole

Fully Loaded Potato Casserole

8 medium potatoes, peeled and cut into quarters
1/2 cup cream cheese
1/2 cup sour cream
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup milk
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper (optional)
1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar cheese, divided
8 slices bacon, cooked, chopped, divided
1/2 bunch green onions, sliced

Place potatoes in saucepan, and cover with salted water. Bring to a boil over med-high heat. Cook until tender, then drain well.

Preheat oven to 375° degrees F.

Transfer potatoes back to the saucepan. Masher with a potato masher until almost smooth. Add cream cheese, sour cream, butter, milk, salt and pepper. Continue mashing until smooth. Stir in 1 cup of the cheese and half the bacon. Spoon mixture evenly into a lightly oiled 3-quart casserole dish. Use a spatula or fork to make an irregular surface

Bake for 20 minutes. Top with remaining cheese, bacon and green onions. Bake for 5 more minutes to melt cheese. Serve immediately.

That Mini Heart Attack When Someone Says "We Need To Talk"

That Mini Heart Attack When Someone Says "We Need To Talk"