All That Spam: April 2014

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Multitasking

Multitasking

The art of doing twice as much as you should half as well as you could.

I Really Need a Day Between Saturday and Sunday

The Moment When My Heart Almost Stopped

The Moment When My Heart Almost Stopped

An IPhone falling onto a large sewer grate. Had it fallen sideways, it would have slipped through the grate and fallen in the filthy water and been swept down the sewer.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Beach Idea

Beach Idea

Dig around a circle six feet in diameter, two feet deep and two feet around it.

Then dig a feet up and out from that.

Place a fire on top of the inner circle.

This will create a place where people can sit and enjoy the fire.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

I Want To Sleep, But My Brain Won't Stop Talking To Itself

Study Shows That Oreos May Be More Addictive Than Cocain

Dude...I hope this experiment never ends.

Study Shows That Oreos May Be More Addictive Than Cocain

Two mice in a cage stuffed eating Oreos.

I requested minions of darkness and you send fluffy jellybeans.

And just what am I supposed to do with these?

I requested minions of darkness and you send fluffy jellybeans.

Never approach a bull from the front

Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or an idiot from any direction.

Your mother and I are shocked at your current behavior!

Sparky! Your mother and I are shocked at your current behavior! Until you learn to conduct yourself properly, you're grounded!

A couple of power cords lecturing their power cord son.

Not So Funny When It Happens To You, Is It?

since you resemble a garden gnome, I'd say the joke is on you.

I would retaliate against your snotty remarks, but since you resemble a garden gnome, I'd say the joke is on you.

Welfare was never intended to be a career opportunity.

I'm playing that game where the floor is made of lava

I'm playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can't get out of my bed or I'll die.

My Mom Says I'm Special

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean,

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean,
but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.

I'm exhausted. I just did 100 sit ups.

I'm exhausted. I just did 100 sit ups. The fact that I did them over the course of 40 years doesn't diminish the accomplishment.

For Every Situation, There's a Suitable Line From a Song

For Childless People Who Want to Know What It's Like Having Children:

For Childless People Who Want to Know What It's Like Having Children:

1. Make a beautiful healthy breakfast.
2. Take it and throw it all over the floor.

Friday, April 11, 2014

I Said, "You Come Here Often?"

I Said, "You Come Here Often?"

A cat appearing to be yelling at a statue of a dainty looking cat.

Well, I'm Glad We Have That Sorted Out

Well, I'm Glad We Have That Sorted Out

A map of a floor of a building showing a path from the map to the exit. The map is posted right next to the door and shows a dot and a short right angle and an arrow out the door.