I Don't Always Say Something Stupid

I Don't Always Say Something Stupid

But when I do, I keep talking to make it worse.

My Trainer Said I Can Have 1 Slice

My Trainer Said I Can Have 1 Slice

A three foot long and two foot wide piece of pizza.

Party on Wayne. Party on Darth.

Party on Wayne.  Party on Darth.

Cartoon of Batman and Darth Vader situated like Wayne and Garth from Wayne's World

It Was the Longest Wheelie I've Ever Seen

I told him it was me or the bike.  It was the longest wheelie I've ever seen.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Layered Krispie Treats

6 Cups rice krispie cereal
1 large bag mini marshmallows
1/4 Cup butter
2 Cups creamy peanut butter
50 mini Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, quartered
1 1/2 Cups melted chocolate to drizzle

1. Place cereal into a large mixing bowl, set aside. Place marshmallows and butter into a large bowl and microwave until puffed up, about 3 minutes. Remove and pour into cereal, mix to combine then pour into a greased 9×13 inch baking dish and press to make even. Melt peanut butter until nice and runny, about 45 seconds. Pour in quartered peanut butter cups, stir gently then pour over treats. Drizzle melted chocolate over top and refrigerate to harden. When set, cut into squares and serve!!

16 squares

Oreo Stuffed Chocolate Chip Cookies

Oreo Stuffed Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ingredients
2 sticks softened butter
3/4 Cup packed light brown sugar
1 Cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
1 Tablespoon pure vanilla
3 1/2 Cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
10 oz bag chocolate chips
1 bag Oreo Cookies, I used the double stuff 

Directions
1.Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In a stand or electric mixer cream butter and sugars until well combined. Add in eggs and vanilla until well combined.
2.In a separate bowl mix the flour, salt and baking soda. Slowly add to wet ingredients along with chocolate chips until just combined. Using a cookie scoop take one scoop of cookie dough and place on top of an Oreo Cookie. Take another scoop of dough and place on bottom of Oreo Cookie. Seal edges together by pressing and cupping in hand until Oreo Cookie is enclosed with dough. Place onto a parchment or silpat lined baking sheet and bake cookies 9-13 minutes or until cookies are baked to your liking. Let cool for 5 minutes before transferring to cooling rack

Chocolate Lasagna

Chocolate Lasagna

INGREDIENTS
1 package regular Oreo cookies (Not Double Stuff) – about 36 cookies
6 Tablespoon butter, melted
1- 8 ounce package cream cheese, softened
1/4 cup granulated sugar
2 Tablespoons cold milk
1- 12 ounce tub Cool Whip, divided
2 – 3.9 ounce packages Chocolate Instant Pudding.
3 1/4 cups cold milk
1 and 1/2 cups mini chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS
1. Begin by crushing 36 Oreo cookies. I used my food processor for this, but you could also place them in a large ziplock bag and crush them with a rolling pin. When the Oreos have turned into fine crumbs, you are done.
2. Transfer the Oreo crumbs to a large bowl. Stir in 6 tablespoons melted butter and use a fork to incorporate the butter into the cookie crumbs. When the butter is distributed, transfer the mixture to a 9 x 13 inch baking dish. Press the crumbs into the bottom of the pan. Place the pan in the refrigerator while you work on the additional layers.
3. Mix the cream cheese with a mixer until light and fluffy. Add in 2 Tablespoons of milk, and sugar, and mix well. Stir in 1 and 1/4 cups Cool Whip. Spread this mixture over the crust.
4. In a bowl, combine chocolate instant pudding with 3 and 1/4 cups cold milk. Whisk for several minutes until the pudding starts to thicken. Use a spatula to spread the mixture over the previous cream cheese layer. Allow the dessert to rest for about 5 minutes so that the pudding can firm up further.
5. Spread the remaining Cool Whip over the top. Sprinkle mini chocolate chips evenly over the top. Place in the freezer for 1 hour, or the refrigerator for 4 hours before serving.

SNICKERS CARAMEL APPLE DESSERT

SNICKERS CARAMEL APPLE DESSERT

Ingredients 
•6 regular size Snickers Candy Bar 
•6 apples 
•1 (5 oz.) package Vanilla Instant Pudding dry, do not prepare
•1/2 cup milk
•1 (12 oz.) tub cool whip
•1/2 cup caramel ice cream topping

Instructions
1.Whisk vanilla pudding packet, 1/2 cup milk and cool whip together until well combined.
2.Chop up apples and Snickers.
3.Stir chopped apples and Snickers into pudding mixture.
4.Place in a large bowl and drizzle with caramel ice cream topping.
5.Chill for at least 1 hour before serving.

Until you have watched all the episodes of Firefly

I'm afraid our relationship can't possibly develop further until you have watched all the episodes of Firefly.

Rice Crispy and Swedish Fish Sushi

Rice Crispy and Swedish Fish Sushi

Smack a Snowman $2

Sick of Winter?

Smack a snowman $2.

We never made this much selling lemonade.

They live longer than men who mention it

A new study has found that women with large backsides live longer than men who mention it.

Teenagers: Tired of Being Harassed By Your Stupid Parents?

Teenagers:  Tired of Being Harassed By Your Stupid Parents?

Act Now!

Move Out...Get a Job...Pay Your Own Bills.

Do it while you still know everything.

Follow Your Heart, But Take Your Brain With You

Follow Your Heart, But Take Your Brain With You

I Just Realized...American Duck

I Just Realized...
That the Americas sideways looks like a duck.

a dog carried like a child and a child on a leash

Only in America will you see a dog carried like a child and a child being walked on a leash.

Sometimes people want to have full conversations really early in the morning

Sometimes people want to have full conversations really early in the morning and it's okay to kill those people.

Taco Seasoning

Taco Seasoning

Use 2 tablespoons per pound of meat

1 tablespoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon black pepper

In a small bowl, mix all together.
Store in an airtight container.

Homemade Ranch Dressing

Homemade Ranch Dressing

If you leave out the buttermilk and mayonnaise, you have what is know as Dry Ranch Dressing. You can multiply the dry ingredients; whisk together; place it in a jar; and keep it someplace handy for when you want to mix up a batch.

ORIGINAL RANCH DRESSING

Make 1 cup.
Ingredients:
· 1/2 cup mayonnaise *
· 1/2 cup buttermilk
· 1/2 tsp parsley flakes (dried)
· 1/4 tsp ground black pepper
· 1/4 tsp msg *
· 1/4 tsp salt
· 1/8 tsp garlic powder
· 1/8 tsp onion powder
· 1 pinch dried thyme
· *You can substitute low-fat yogurt for the mayo.
*Msg. is optional

Directions:
1. Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl and whisk until smooth.
2. Cover and chill for several hours before using

My Life Goal

My Life Goal

Was to make it 360 degrees around the top bar.

Picture of an old metal swing set.

Skinny Broccoli Salad

Skinny Broccoli Salad

Ingredients 
2 heads fresh broccoli, chopped
1 head fresh cauliflower, chopped
1/2 cup chopped red pepper
1/2 cup chopped green pepper
1/2 red onion, chopped
1/2 cup green olives
1 cup tomatoes, chopped
1 cup reduced fat sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
1 cup reduced-fat ranch dressing

Instructions
Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl and toss with reduced fat ranch dressing.
Refrigerate until serving.

Cake Batter Pancakes

Cake Batter Pancakes

Ingredients
Pancakes 
1 cup Original Bisquick® mix 1 cup yellow cake mix 3 tablespoons candy sprinkles 1 cup milk 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 eggs 

Glaze and Garnish
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar 3 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons milk 1 teaspoon vanilla Additional candy sprinkles


STEP 1 Heat griddle or skillet over medium-high heat or electric griddle to 375°F; grease with cooking spray, vegetable oil or shortening. (Surface is ready when a few drops of water sprinkled on it dance and disappear.)
STEP 2 In medium bowl, stir together pancake ingredients until blended. Pour by slightly less than 1/4 cupfuls onto hot griddle. Cook until edges are dry. Turn; cook until pancakes are golden brown. Stack on serving plates.
STEP 3 In small bowl, beat powdered sugar, milk and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla with whisk until smooth.
STEP 4 To serve, top each serving with glaze and additional candy sprinkles.

Bake Cookies in a Muffin Pan

Bake Cookies in a Muffin Pan

Keeps them from spreading.  Keeps them soft.

Not enough time to frost the cupcakes?

Not enough time to frost the cupcakes?

Place a large marshmallow on each cupcake five minutes before they finish baking. It will melt and make a toasted marshmallow topping.

Airplane From Bananas, Strawberries and Whipped Cream

Airplane From Bananas, Strawberries and Whipped Cream

Hamburger Buns in a Hot Dog Bun Bag

Hamburger Buns in a Hot Dog Bun Bag

You had one job.

Be nice to yourself

Be nice to yourself

It's hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time.

the first time you weren't paying attention

Checking your phone to see what time it is and checking it again because the first time you weren't paying attention.

How I Normally Brush My Teeth vs How I Brush My Teeth Before the Dentist

How I Normally Brush My Teeth vs How I Brush My Teeth Before the Dentist

Grilled Cheese in the Oven

Grilled Cheese in the Oven

Put the sandwiches between two two cookie sheets.  You can make several sandwiches at once.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Muffins

 

Chocolate Chip Cookie Muffins

Ingredients:
2 1/4 Cups All-Purpose Flour
2 Teaspoons Baking Powder
1/2 Teaspoon Salt
2/3 Cup Brown Sugar
6 Tablespoons Butter, melted and cooled
1/2 Cup Chunky Peanut Butter (you can use smooth, that's fine)
2 Eggs
1 Cup Milk
3/4 Cup Mini Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

Directions:
In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt and brown sugar. In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together the butter, peanut butter, eggs, and milk until smooth. (if the peanut butter is in clumps within the liquid that is fine, it will all work out in the end) Pour liquid mixture into flour mixture and mix until just combined. Fold in chocolate chips. In a paper lined muffin tin, scoop 3 tablespoon size scoops into each muffin cup (I used my cookie scoop). Bake in a pre-heated 375 degree oven for 17-20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Banana Cupcakes

Banana Cupcakes

6 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 eggs, at room temperature
1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon allspice
scant 1/2 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup mashed banana (about 1 1/2 medium bananas)
1/3 cup sour cream or vanilla yogurt
3 tablespoons milk


Line a muffin pan with paper liners - for about 12 cupcakes. Preheat oven to 350F.
Beat together the butter and brown sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well between each addition.
Sift together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, allspice, and salt. Add gradually to the butter mixture. Add the mashed banana, sour cream (or yogurt), and milk. Mix until everything is combined (don't over-mix).
Divide batter among 12 lined muffin cups, bake for 15-18 minutes until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool completely before frosting.

Use this recipe for the Vanilla Swiss Meringue Buttercream
Frost cupcakes using a large open star tip.


Drizzle with Chocolate Ganache, if desired.


Chocolate Ganache Drizzle
1 square semi-sweet baking chocolate, chopped
1 tablespoon heavy whipping cream


Heat the heavy whipping cream in a small bowl in the microwave for 30 seconds. Let cool for about 30 seconds then add the chocolate. Let sit for 2-3 minutes, then stir until smooth. Drizzle over frosted cupcakes. Top with chocolate jimmies

Ice Cream S'mores Pops

Ice Cream S'mores Pops 

Ingredients

S'mores sized marshmallows 

Graham crackers

Chocolate cookie frosting

Jelly beans

Red string licorice

Sprinkles

Sucker sticks

Directions

Cut graham crackers into a cone shapes.

Spread chocolate frosting on the inside of the graham crackers.

Cut a large marshmallow in a cone.  Put it between two graham crackers. Put one large marshmallow on top.

Push the sucker into the cone shaped marshmallow and up through the whole marshmallow. 

Top with frosting, a jelly bean, a red string licorice, and sprinkles.

Pizza in a Jar

Pizza in a Jar

Ingredients

Pizza Dough

Tomato Sauce

Mozzarella Cheese

Mason Jars

Toppings as desired

Add some dough to the bottom of the jar. Bake it at 375 degrees for about 15-20 minutes, or until it is beginning to crisp and brown. Then add some toppings with a layer of dough on top of them and bake it again.  Continue this process until you have filled the jar.

Homemade Fruit Snacks

Homemade Fruit Snacks

Freeze drops of applesauce on parchment paper. Peel off and it's the perfect snack for your toddler.

Celery and Peanut Butter Fishing Pole

Celery and Peanut Butter Fishing Pole

A celery stick with peanut butter on the end fishing in a plate of Goldfish.

Three Cheese Campfire Potatoes

Three Cheese Campfire Potatoes

3 large potatoes, peeled and cut into 1-inch cubes
1 medium onion, chopped
3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup bacon pieces (usually in a jar or bag near salad dressing)
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

In a double thick heavy-duty foil (about 18 in. square), slice up butter. Add chopped potatoes, onion, salt, and pepper.
Fold foil around potato mixture and seal tightly. Grill, covered, over medium heat for 15-18 minutes on each side or until potatoes are tender. Carefully open foil. Sprinkle the bacon and cheeses over potato mixture. Grill 3-5 minutes longer or until cheese is melted. Open foil carefully to allow steam to escape. Yield: 4-6 servings

Watermelon Cake

Watermelon Cake

Directions:
The "cake" is watermelon. Cut the ends off the watermelon to form the top & bottom of the cake; then cut away the rind from the sides of the cake.
Use cookie cutters to cut cantaloupe flowers and honeydew leaves/ Use toothpicks to attach to cake.
Decorate with additional strawberries, blueberries, apples, grapes, and oranges.

Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

MUFFIN INGREDIENTS
•1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
•1 teaspoon baking soda
•1 teaspoon baking powder
•1/2 teaspoon salt
•2 bananas, mashed
•3/4 cup white sugar
•1 egg, slightly beaten
•1/3 cup butter, melted
•1/2 cup milk chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate chips

CRUMB TOPPING INGREDIENTS
•1/3 cup packed brown sugar
•2 tablespoons flour
•1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
•1 tablespoon butter

DIRECTIONS
1.Pre-heat your oven to 375 degrees F and prepare a muffin tin by greasing it or using paper liners.
2.In a large bowl combine flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
3.In a small bowl combine mashed bananas, sugar, egg, and melted butter.
4.Combine the ingredients from steps two and three and stir lightly until combined.
5.Fold in chocolate chips.
6.In a small bowl combine brown sugar, flour, and ground cinnamon. Use a fork to mix in the butter until you have a crumbly mixture.
7.Spoon 1/4 cup of muffin dough into each muffin cup. This should yield 12 muffins.
8.Divide the crumb topping mixture among the 12 muffins (about 1 teaspoon per muffin)
9.Bake for 18-22 minutes, or until you stick a toothpick in a muffin and it comes out clean.
10.Allow to cool for a few minutes, then serve.

Two-Potato Shepherd's Pie

Two-Potato Shepherd's Pie

Ingredients
•2-1/2 pounds potatoes, peeled and cooked
•1 to 1-1/2 cups (8 to 12 ounces) sour cream
•Salt and pepper to taste
•2 pounds ground beef
•1/2 cup chopped onion
•1 medium sweet red pepper, chopped
•1 teaspoon garlic salt
•1 can (10-3/4 ounces) condensed cream of mushroom soup, undiluted
•1 can (16 ounces) whole kernel corn, drained
•1/2 cup milk
•2 tablespoons butter, melted
•Chopped fresh parsley, optional

Directions
•In a large bowl, mash potatoes with sour cream. Add salt and pepper; set aside. In a large skillet, cook beef with onion and red pepper until meat is no longer pink and vegetables are tender; drain. Stir garlic salt into meat mixture. Stir in the soup, corn and milk.
• Spread meat mixture into a 13-in. x 9-in. baking dish. Top with mashed potatoes; drizzle with butter.
• Bake, uncovered, at 350° for 30-35 minutes or until heated through. For additional browning, place under broiler for a few minutes. Sprinkle with parsley if desired. Yield: 8-10 servings.

Pizza Cupcake

Pizza Cupcake

Ingredients
1. 1 can (8 oz) Pillsbury® refrigerated crescent dinner rolls
2. 1/2 cup pizza sauce
3. 1/4 cup mini pepperoni slices
4. 1/4 lb mild Italian sausage, cooked and drained
5. 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese (2 oz)


Directions
1. Heat oven to 375°F. Spray 8 regular-size muffin cups with cooking spray. Unroll dough; separate into 8 triangles. Press into muffin cups.
2. In small bowl, mix sauce, pepperoni, sausage and 1/4 cup of the cheese. Spoon about 2 tablespoons mixture into each dough-lined cup; sprinkle each with about 1 teaspoon additional cheese.
3. Bake 16 to 18 minutes or until lightly browned. Immediately remove from cups and serve.

if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...

I don't care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...

Game On!

Die Winter...Die

Die Winter...Die

A small snowman with arms and legs laying on a deck with kitchen knives stabbed into his chest and abdomen.

A Dog's Master With a Shirt on With His Dog's Face on It

A Dog's Master With a Shirt on With His Dog's Face on It
Sitting with his dog, who is wearing a shirt with his master's face on it.

As You Get Older, Your Secrets Are Safe With Your Friends

As You Get Older, Your Secrets Are Safe With Your Friends
Because they can't remember them either.