Thursday, January 31, 2013
I can't afford it, and the things it's teaching me aren't going to help me pay for it.
If there's one thing I've learned about college, it's that I can't afford it, and the things it's teaching me aren't going to help me pay for it.
It was an old fashioned Christmas after all
This year my family decided to gather on Facebook for the holidays. Uncle Frank got into an argument with Grandpa. Aunt Gladys was offended by something she is Julie's profile. Mom cried because Andrew posted a photo that made her look fat. I got so annoyed, I left to hang out with my friends on MySpace.
It was an old fashioned Christmas after all.
It was an old fashioned Christmas after all.
Maybe if you didn't light up so many times telling me you are low on battery
Dear Cell Phone,
Maybe if you didn't light up so many times telling me you are low on battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly.
Maybe if you didn't light up so many times telling me you are low on battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly.
A&W root beer in a glass mug, on a tray, hanging from a car window, at a drive in.
Who remembers this? A&W root beer in a glass mug, on a tray, hanging from a car window, at a drive in.
We do not doubt our mothers knew it.
Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.
And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.
And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.
you eventually run out of other people's money
The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.
Man who does want to take care of a kid: Deadbeat Dad
Man who does want to take care of a kid: Deadbeat Dad
Woman who does want to do the same: Pro Choice
Woman who does want to do the same: Pro Choice
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
asked me where I was between 5 and 6
An officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6, I replied, "Kindergarten."
It Uses Apple Maps
Luke, you've switched off your targeting computer. Is something wrong?
Yeah, it uses Apple maps.
Yeah, it uses Apple maps.
The magic of mathematics. The beauty of mathematics.
The magic of mathematics. The beauty of mathematics.
Accept an apology you never got.
Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.
Thank you all for the birthday wishes. And thank you Facebook for reminding them.
Thank you all for the birthday wishes. And thank you Facebook for reminding them.
I told a woman she drew her eyebrows on too high
I told a woman she drew her eyebrows on too high...Boy did she look surprised.
That's the time you realize you're getting old.
When you turn off the lights for economical reasons rather than for romantic ones...That's the time you realize you're getting old.
Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated. We are Facebook.
Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated. We are Facebook.
I'll stop. But I'm not going to collaborate or listen.
Okay, I'll stop. But I'm not going to collaborate or listen.
What counts is that we don't betray each other.
It's not so much staying alive, it's staying human that's important. What counts is that we don't betray each other.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
If there's one thing I hate, it's self-loathing.
If there's one thing I hate, it's self-loathing.
If there's two things I hate, it's self-loathing and myself.
If there's two things I hate, it's self-loathing and myself.
Today, it's called golf
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called Savage aggression.
Today, it's called golf.
Today, it's called golf.
I love you all!!! Yes even you, you twisted little freak.
I love you all!!! Yes even you, you twisted little freak.
3 Horrible Facts
3 Horrible Facts
1. Today is not Friday.
2. Tomorrow is not Friday.
3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday.
1. Today is not Friday.
2. Tomorrow is not Friday.
3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday.
Finally my jokes will be appreciated
I just bought myself a hyena. Finally my jokes will be appreciated.
Eat Candy Out Of Your Socks
Christmas is just plain weird. What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat candy out of your socks.
Monday, January 28, 2013
you should just wear a shirt that says...I'm sorry.
You're so annoying you should just wear a shirt that says...I'm sorry.
Someone wearing Crocs just told me to never judge someone till you've walked a mile in their shoes.
Someone wearing Crocs just told me to never judge someone till you've walked a mile in their shoes.
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