Anti-Stress
A tissue box with bubble wrap pieces in it.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
I paid my psychiatrist to follow me on Facebook.
I paid my psychiatrist to follow me on Facebook.
That way we can skip the sessions and she can just send me pills.
My voice mail greeting is now a Justin Bieber song.
My voice mail greeting is now a Justin Bieber song.
If you can make it to the end of the song without hanging up then I'll listen to the message, because obviously it's important.
Life Expectancy Would Grow If Green Vegetables Smelled As Good As Bacon
Life Expectancy Would Grow By Leaps and Bounds If Green Vegetables Smelled As Good As Bacon
Why Yes, I Can Drive A Stick
Why Yes, I Can Drive A Stick
A picture of a witch's hat, a broom, and a black cat.
No. Use it for talking. Like this.
No. Use it for talking. Like this.
A caveman breaking rocks with a comic strip voice bubble.
Whoever said that diamonds are a girl's best friend never owned a dog.
Whoever said that diamonds are a girl's best friend never owned a dog.
French Kiss
French Kiss
Four people in KISS makeup dressed in French clothing, french hats, and holding French bread and wine glasses.
I Heard It Has Lots of Sax and Violins.
I Don't Care If It Is Rate G-Sharp.
I Heard It Has Lots of Sax and Violins.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Life Has No Remote. Get Up And Change It Yourself.
Life Has No Remote. Get Up And Change It Yourself.
Men's Answer to Push Up Bras
Men's Answer to Push Up Bras
A guy in a foam chest plate shaped like firm pecks and washboard abs. He then puts a t-shirt over it.
Monday, October 28, 2013
I'm going to retire and live off my savings.
I'm going to retire and live off my savings. What I'll do the second week, I have no idea.
If your house was flooded, would you raise the ceiling or pump out the water.
If your house was flooded, would you raise the ceiling or pump out the water.
Excuse Me...One Ice Cream Please
Excuse Me...One Ice Cream Please
A cat standing on its hind legs at a window begging for food.
I Just Rebooted And Have No Idea What Was Wrong With It
My boss praised me for fixing his computer.
I Just Rebooted And Have No Idea What Was Wrong With It
Bat Ladder
Batman: Drop bat ladder.
Robin: Bat ladder away.
Batman is very selective and will only accept one brand of ladder.
You still need permission to get on Disney.com
Person 1: I'll Hack You.
Person 2: Shhhhhh, you're only twelve. You still need permission to get on Disney.com.
I'm A Pretty Pretty Butterfly
I'm A Pretty Pretty Butterfly
A person holding a tiny turtle between thumb and finger. Turtle is arching head and feet into the air.
She Hasn't Quiet Mastered The Concept Of A Cat Door Yet
She Hasn't Quiet Mastered The Concept Of A Cat Door Yet
Black Eye - Touche IT Guy
Made the IT guy angry, and he said he was going to give me a black eye...and I laughed. Looks like he put me in place. Touche IT guy.
"Do Not Believe Everything You Read On The Internet"
"Do Not Believe Everything You Read On The Internet" - William Shakespeare
What The Heck Am I Doing?
What The Heck Am I Doing?
A cat with a calculator and a pencil and some advanced math homework.
The Cat Belt
The Cat Belt
For when you really need to stand up, regardless of who's sleeping on your lap.
I Work At A Pet Store. After Hours Things Get Serious
I Work At A Pet Store. After Hours Things Get Serious
A guy betting on a race between a rabbit and a turtle.
I Guess I Was Tired
I Guess I Was Tired
A dog sitting on a wet wood deck, staring at a dog shaped dry spot.
I'm Not Very Good With Advice, Can I Interest You In A Sarcastic Comment?
I'm Not Very Good With Advice, Can I Interest You In A Sarcastic Comment?
Something You Want and What You Do To Get It
Something You Want and What You Do To Get It
A person laying in bed and then climbing to the edge of the bed and stretching across to reach something, just to avoid getting out of bed, even though getting out of bed would've been much easier.
How To Summon Ronald McDonald
How To Summon Ronald McDonald
A bunch of large McDonald's fry containers arranged in a circle with the fries in a pile in the middle.
Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom
Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom
A mother cat being climbed climbed on by a bunch of kittens.
Education Is The Most Powerful Weapon Which You Can Use To Change The World
Education Is The Most Powerful Weapon Which You Can Use To Change The World
They didn't name a candy after you, did they?
Dear Cool People,
They didn't name a candy after you, did they?
Sincerely, Nerds
Warns Us Of The Dangers Of Parties Over 200 Years Ago
Warns Us Of The Dangers Of Parties Over 200 Years Ago
A portrait of George Washington
Tree Museum
Tree Museum
Four pictures:
Picture 1 - a grove of trees.
Picture 2 - a guy cutting down the grove.
Picture 3 - people building a wood frame of a building.
Picture 4- a completed building labeled Tree Museum.
And Your Like:
That moment when your friend is watching a movie or TV show that you love but they've never seen before and your like:
Pumpkin spice latte, pumpkin spice granola...
Pumpkin spice latte, pumpkin spice granola, pumpkin spice cheesecake, pumpkin spice muffins, pumpkin spice pancakes...
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Cops Don't Like It When You Ask Them "Need Some Help?"
Cops Don't Like It When You Ask Them "Need Some Help?"
Especially when you're wearing a Batman costume.
My Career Plans Were Much More Exciting When I Was 5
My Career Plans Were Much More Exciting When I Was 5
They Told Me I Could Be Anything...
They Told Me I Could Be Anything...
...So I became a Doberman.
A black and brown wiener dog on stilts.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
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