A Clear Toaster
Then you could see how toaster the toast is while it's toasting.
I'd toast to that.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
A Clear Toaster
A Clear Toaster
Then you could see how toaster the toast is while it's toasting.
I'd toast to that.
always have a good Facebook picture
Be sure you always have a good Facebook picture because you never know when you'll end up on the news.
You are my sunshine. You may have damaged me.
You are my sunshine. And by that I mean I think you may have damaged me in ways I won't know about for years to come.
I licked the spoon and kept using it.
Homemade with love. In other words, I licked the spoon and kept using it.
If the screams from my truck bother you turn the radio up.
If the screams from my truck bother you turn the radio up.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
That awkward moment when you realize you don't have a cat.
That awkward moment when you realize you don't have a cat.
I have a feeling this is going to be a short fight.
I have a feeling this is going to be a short fight.
I am going to my room because I want to...
And I am going to my room because I want to, not because you tell me to!!!
What I plan to do when I get back from work.
What I plan to do when I get back from work.
What I actually end up doing.
Can we just write the pizza guy a check?
Can we just write the pizza guy a check? I only found 75 cents in there and someplace called "Narnia".
having to slap an old TV a few times
Talking to you is like having to slap an old TV a few times to get the picture.
Being an introvert
Being an introvert allows me to care about humanity and despise human beings, simultaneously.
I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death
I'm starting to think I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my own home.
You don't have to go to market if you don't want to.
It's okay little piggy. You don't have to go to market if you don't want to.
I know divorce is tough, man.
I know divorce is tough, man. But my food dish isn't gonna fill itself.
sensor in my sofa
I am completely convinced that there is a sensor in my sofa that alerts the men and children in my home of the exact moment I sit down.
I want you to know that whatever problems you're having
I want you to know that whatever problems you're having, I'm here to read about it on Facebook.
When you order online Domino's tells you the name of your delivery driver.
When you order online Domino's tells you the name of your delivery driver.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
The Deadly Facts About Water
The Deadly Facts About Water
Fact!
Water can be chemically synthesized by burning rocket fuel.
Fact!
Water is one of the primary ingredients in herbicides and pesticides.
Fact!
Over consumption can cause excessive sweating, urination, and even death.
Fact!
Water is the leading cause of drowning.
Fact!
100% of all serial killers, rapists, and drug dealings have admitted to drinking water.
Fact!
100 percent of all people exposed to water will die.
My Monday mourning always begins on Sunday afternoon.
My Monday mourning always begins on Sunday afternoon.
The constitution is to limit the power of the federal government
The purpose of the constitution is to limit the power of the federal government NOT the American people.
they have died in the cause of their country
Nevertheless, we may console ourselves in this point, that they have died in the cause of their country and of their God, yea, and they are happy.
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